Holy Molé Tenderloin (featuring Elliott's Pork Paste)

A scene from my kitchen. I said, "Elliott, can you make something to put on this hunk of meat? I want one of those concoctions with chili powder and cocoa and cinnamon that sounds weird at first but then tastes like seven different kinds of awesome." My big brother proceeded to do my bidding. He produced a magical paste-like substance that we slathered all over our pork tenderloin, and Elliott's Pork Paste was born. His one mistake was not adding any Frank's hot sauce, but I made a mental note and fixed the recipe the next time around. 

Elliott's Pork Paste is the love child of a rub and a marinade. You can put it on any kind of meat, but I've found that it works particularly well on pork or turkey tenderloins. I would probably eat a car tire if you drowned it in this stuff, though. And before any nitpickers call me out, I admit that this isn't exactly a legitimate molé sauce. However, the flavors are similar (chili, cocoa, cinnamon, cumin, lime, etc.) and I couldn't think of anything else to call it. It's molé-esque, so leave me alone.

Unrelated side note: If you leave a comment for me on the contact form, I will be delighted to respond to you personally, but I need some form of contact information. (So will the person who asked me to get back to them please leave me another note with an email address? Thanks!) 

Ingredients

2 tsp garlic powder

2 tsp onion powder

2 tsp chili powder

1 tsp cumin

2 tsp paprika

1 tsp oregano

1/4 tsp white pepper (if you happen to have it. Substitute black if you don't.)

1 tsp coarse ground sea salt

2 tsp cocoa powder

1 tsp cinnamon

2 Tbsp erythritol, Splenda, or not-sugar of your choice

juice of whole lime

1.5 Tbsp red wine vinegar

1 tsp Frank's RedHot (That's the bare minimum. Bonus points if you add more)

2-3 Tbsp warm water

1 package pork or turkey tenderloins

Directions   (Printable PDF)
Mix all ingredients except for the warm water and raw meat in a small bowl. Add water slowly until you achieve the consistency of a saucy paste. 

Pierce the meat with a fork in several places, then coat thoroughly with the paste-sauce (read: drown those suckers). Cover and refrigerate for several hours (if you have time/want it to be really good. You can go straight to the cooking, though).

I give you two options for the cooking method: roast or grill. For the oven folks, roast it uncovered at 350 until the meat thermometer reaches the acceptable temperature. If you're a griller, the best method is to put the meat over indirect heat and turn it occasionally. With a three-burner grill, I put the meat in the center with the center burner on fairly low and the left and right burners on medium-high.

My dad kept saying that our little tenderloins looked like Graboids from Tremors (if you haven't seen them, the four films are paragons of high-quality cinema). They really kind of did, but that didn't stop anyone from packing it in at dinner.

Need a side dish? Try some jicama hash browns.